Keep Calm, and…well, you know.

Some days, you feel small. Some days, you don’t feel like you mean a whole lot. Some days, you have to “cope with the fact that you are a bag of meat sitting on a rock in outer space and that someday you will die and you are completely powerless, helpless, and insignificant in the wake of this beautiful cosmic shitstorm we call existence” (thanks to theoatmeal.com).

You know the days. Your alarm wakes you up earlier than you needed, you’re late to class or work or whatever engagement that you don’t particularly want to be at, traffic is unusually awful, you drop your bagel after only one bite, people aren’t tipping you well at all at work, the little things just keep piling up, and the universe seems to be out to get you by just tearing at you, bit by bit by bit, until you’re just defeated.

Those are the times when you want to give up. You want to drop to your knees and ask why it must insist on pouring when it rains. You want to crawl under the sheets and close out the world. You want to slip into a mini coma until the day is over and everything is peachy again.

But you don’t.

You don’t do any of that.

You square up your shoulders. You stiffen up your upper lip. And you realize that the world is not out to slowly dismantle you. And you realize that the little things, are just little things. And no matter how many little things there are, no matter how much you multiply those little, tiny nuances by, they still don’t add up to a whole lot. You take a deep breath.

And you carry on.

Halloween Pumpkin Carving (Or, The Squirrel Rampage That Almost Was)

I absolutely love Halloween. It’s a holiday based on my favorite things: dressing up, free candy, and cutting into gourds. Who doesn’t love that?! But seriously, costumes and pumpkin carving allow me to be my artistic self once again.

And trust me; I take this stuff seriously. Exhibit A: my 2010 creation. 2 hours and fifteen minutes of carving “Happy Halloween” into scraggly tree branches:



Just look at that hair. That’s the hairstyle of a girl who took on a pumpkin. And won, dammit.

So naturally, I was excited to learn that I actually had free time to carve pumpkins this year, unlike last year. I was so excited, in fact, that I decided to try and do three pumpkins. In one night. Because it was the only night I had off from work. Yeah, that counts as free time.

So we went and bought four pumpkins total so my mom could carve one with me. When we got back home, it was around six in the evening, so I decided I better get crackin’. Now, I am not an expert pumpkin carving connoisseur (yet), so I do always work from a pattern. But I try and choose ridiculous and unorthodox patterns because, well, that’s just how I roll.



I started looking online for some cool ones to print out, and I stumbled across a few good candidates. I decided there was no way I could pass up doing a Gangnam Style pumpkin, so I pounced on that pattern and began there.



Then my cat decided to try and help:



But he got bored and just ended up carrying away the top to my pumpkin and munching on it…



The PSY pumpkin only took me about an hour. It was a good warmup and precursor to my big project.



His hand fell out, so it looked a little more jacked up than it should. But oh well. Still a funny choice for my first pumpkin. And my mom’s pumpkin turned out freakin’ adorable!



I couldn’t wait to get started on my next choice of patterns, so I just jumped into that one next. Once I came across it online, I knew I had to carve it, and that it was either going to turn out amazing, or completely awful. There was no in between, and it was do or die. It was a hellish Spiderman design that took me FOUR AND A HALF hours to complete. I took a break in between because my eyes were starting to go buggy and my hand was hurting. I even broke my little saw blade at 1 a.m. and had to finish the rest of the tiny details with a much bigger one. Finally, at 2 a.m., this was the final product, and it was SO worth it:



The pumpkins went out on the porch in the morning. And then, just like every single episode of Behind the Music in existence, “tragedy struck.”



Spiderman may be able to duke it out with the Green Goblin. He may be able to stomp all over Doc Oc. But dude can take some serious damage from squirrels and just let it happen. Spidey senses were not a-tinglin’ that morning.

Four and a half hours of my blood, sweat, and pumpkiny tears. Eaten by squirrels in less than an hour after being put on the porch. I have never been so scorned by small, furry animals. And I have never wanted to own a BB gun more in my life.

Of course, the squirrels didn’t touch my Gangnam Style pumpkin. Or my mom’s pumpkin. Which both took much less than four and a half hours and did not take until 2 a.m. to finish with a crappy saw blade. Why would they? Squirrels have no shame, and no pity. Just spiteful little squirrely fangs and claws that tear Spiderman’s face off and leave it all over the porch around him, as if to humiliate him further. And though I refuse to avenge his unholy defacing because I don’t have a BB gun and I don’t believe in animal cruelty, I came extremely close to hucking some rocks or something. Rest in peace, Spidey. It’s over now.

And the real clincher: I didn't even have time to carve my third pumpkin. And I still may, since Halloween is two days away. But I just don't think it's going to happen. I've been defeated by pumpkins this year.

What are you doing for Halloween? Did you carve pumpkins, and if so, what were they? Are they still intact?

A Friday in the Life of A College Kid

My life isn’t exactly the most interesting thing out there. I pretty much work and go to school, and that’s really the sum of my life at the moment, with little things interspersed in between. But just in case you ever wanted to experience a day in my life, particularly a Friday, this is how I roll:

How to live out a Friday like a college kid:

Step 1: Wake up at 6:15 a.m. only to decide that going to your 9:00 a.m. class isn’t truly worth it. Go back to bed.

Step 2: Wake up again at 9:00 a.m. and commit yourself to doing homework for a couple hours before your next class at 12:00 (which you’ve already debated skipping but then realized you have a quiz to take). Turn on the computer, but end up on Facebook and YouTube instead of writing a lab report. Eat breakfast to kill more time.

Step 3: Go to other class. Question your parking job, but you’re already late, and you’ll only be parked there for 50 minutes. Acknowledge the security guy who’s giving out parking tickets. He smiles back at you.

Step 4: Show up to class late. Take your quiz.

Step 5: Return to car to find no ticket on your windshield, so spirits lift; walk around to driver side door and find this wedged in door:



Thank the City of Denver for their $25 parking violation because only the last inch of your car was past the "No Parking Anytime” sign, but the rest of your car was fine. Don't ever let a smiling security guard assure you.

Step 6: Deposit accumulated tips from your serving job over the past week into the bank. Answer the teller’s knowing glances and questions with “I’m a waitress, I’m not a stripper” and apologize for all the ones.

Step 7: Go to Party City with friend. Try on ridiculous costumes and laugh at crazy ones.

Step 8: Hit up the mall. Try on random dresses because you can and feel glamorous while doing it:





Step 9: Make impulse purchases:



Shotglasses with capes and caramel apples. In case you were wondering what college kids spend money on, I’ll give you a hint: it’s not tuition.

Step 10: Avoid working. You’re on call tonight, and two people have already asked to have you cover their shifts, but you narrowly dodge them. Call in 20 minutes late and breathe a sigh of relief when they say they don’t need you to come in.

Step 11: Hit up thrift stores with another friend searching for one particular item. This includes, but is not limited to: Goodwill, Arc, Goodwill Outlet, Savers. OR ALL OF THE ABOVE.

Step 12: Laugh about the hilarious things you can find:







Lifesize Sheldon cut out! BAZINGA!



Step 13: Be a racecar. Avoid further parking violations.

Step 14: Be sorely disappointed at the horrible unorganization of the Goodwill outlet store. Yeah, it looks huge on the outside, and you see lots of people walking out with carts full of stuff. But once you get inside, you realize that it’s one giant room with bins of random clothes and toys and junk all thrown in together with absolutely no rhyme or reason. If Goodwill is where people’s unwanted things go to die, then the Goodwill Outlet is where those dead things go to die.

Step 15: Go get dinner at a Mexican restaurant. Slowly realize that it’s karaoke night at the bar…trust me, your ears will realize it before you do.

Step 16: Join in the chicken dance.

Step 17: Head home and debate going out to a haunted house. Write a blog entry.

So yeah. That’s pretty much the life of a college kid on a Friday. Ya know, just in case you were wondering.

Nerd moment #937: Gel Electrophoresis and DNA Fingerprinting

Multiple questions come up whenever I tell people I’m a bio major. “Are you crazy?” “What do you plan to do with that degree?” “Why did you choose that major when you started out as an art major?”

The answers to those questions are, respectively, and in the simplest forms: yes, save the world, and because we get to do cool stuff like this:



That, guys and gals, is how to catch a killer.

That blue blob is the result of gel electrophoresis, which is just a fancy way of saying we made a Jell-O-like substance, put DNA samples in it, and shocked it for almost two hours. You can get one of these kits on any science-y type website to try it at home, and you pretty much do it in any biology class in college. I myself have done three electrophoreses in the past year.

The point of this fancy-schmancy blob is really to demonstrate how very unique DNA is and how it gets broken down by restriction enzymes to show that your DNA does not match someone else’s DNA, but they tell all the uninterested college kids that what we’re really doing is looking at two samples from a crime scene and trying to match it up to one of two suspects. That way, we can all fulfill our lifelong dreams of reenacting the show CSI: Miami. Except for the fact that this is ten times cooler because half the things they do on CSI: Miami aren’t real and this is a true way that forensics labs really roll.

I won’t get into the extreme details of it, but at a basic level, you add enzyme to DNA and it breaks it into smaller fragments, which are represented by the separate blue stripes in the picture. If you have a suspect DNA that has the same exact bands as the evidence DNA, you can say you’ve found yourself a criminal and call it a day.

There are a lot of downsides to using this type of DNA fingerprinting, as well as a lot of room for human error. For instance, the way we ran our lab made it so accuracy was key, and let’s just say college kids have no accuracy at 8 A.M. This is the case with any electrophoreses however, whether the FBI or DU students run this experiment.

So why did I choose biology? Why did I primarily want to go into forensics or genetics? Things like that blue blob, that’s why. I mean, how cool is that? Or is my nerdy college-kid swag just going crazy there?

What do you want to do and why? If you’re a college kid, why did you choose your major? Have you ever wanted to be on CSI: Miami?

Impulse Happiness

I don’t know what it is lately, but I’ve felt fairly stagnant. I was down for a little while, feeling like I wasn’t really doing anything or going anywhere. But I’ve had a recent series of small, impulsive events that have lifted my spirits. Now I’m feeling optimistic. I’m feeling creative. I’m feeling like making changes. I’m feeling good. It’s like a switch was flipped. You ever get like that? Try it sometime.

I hadn’t picked up art supplies for quite some time. But I mentioned drawing tattoos for people to one of my coworkers, and she commissioned me to work on one for her. That kind of “forced” artwork is exactly what I needed.

I went from neglecting my pencils and charcoal and pastels to having to force myself to interact with them for maybe just an hour….then maybe just one more…then maybe just one more.
And bam. My creativity came back. It’s like I needed someone to give me a push, meant only to get me to start walking. And I took off running.



The next day, my other friend asked me to make him a dreamcatcher. Another little push to get my ball rolling, or rather, barreling away at high speed.



I don’t know if it’s the passion in artwork and the relaxation that it brings me that caused me to just want to make giant leaps and strides in my life, but regardless, that’s what I needed. It’s like I hit the ground, but then bounced right back up and sprinted away.

Tonight I got my ears pierced again and began gauging the first piercing in my ears. I bought jeans at Hollister. Hollister. For anyone who doesn’t know me, I’ve never set foot inside of a Hollister in my life. But now I own their jeans. I’m getting tattooed again later this week. I’m thinking about putting red highlights in my hair. I’m doing some other impulsive things to make myself happy. They're small. They're not drastic. But it's making a difference. And it’s working.

I know this post was probably just rambling, but it feels good just to write. It feels good just to let it out. It feels good to impulsively blog about impulses. What impulsive thing have you done lately? What have you done to make yourself happy lately?

Radioactive

It’s hard for me to describe how I feel on a day to day basis. Am I happy? Am I content? Am I blissful? Am I reposeful? Angry? Stoic? The spectrum is far too great. If I had to decide how I’m feeling today, this would be it:



That, my friends, is radium. It is a radioactive element. Today, I feel radioactive.

Maybe it’s because I feel like people don’t want to be around me. Maybe they shouldn't. Maybe it’s because I have the power to do so much; I can cure cancer, I can help, I can harm. I can do so much. I have such potential. Maybe it’s because I can have a glow about me, or not. Whichever. There is a lot to know about me, a lot other people and myself are finding out each day, and a lot that remains undiscovered.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been listening to this song a lot lately.

Whatever the case: I am radioactive.

How are you feeling today? Have you ever felt radioactive?

“Was I supposed to be driving that closely behind that Homeland Security car?” and other debate-day questions you may have

The first presidential debate of the 2012 election year is today, and it’s here in colorful Colorado. In honor of debate day and the multitude of questions the moderators will be asking the candidates tonight, here are some answers to burning questions that may have been raised by this event:

1.) Were classes at the University of Denver cancelled today?
Being a DU student, I got to revel in the idea of having a random mid-week break because classes were, in fact, cancelled today. They were required to be cancelled, and there was a lot of guff given to us because we had classes on Tuesday as well, and the people in charge of the debate and the candidates’ safety wanted to close the university that day as well. Here’s the reality people: we didn’t have class because we are NOT EVEN REMOTELY ALLOWED on, near, around, by (or any other prepositional term) the campus unless we have a ticket to the debate. Our feet should not have even touched campus for the past 48-ish hours before the candidates arrived, but the school fought for us to be there on Tuesday, and won.

2.) Did they close off a lot of streets and parts of campus for this?
You bet your ass they did. The days leading up to today have been hell trying to navigate campus; they’ve sporadically closed off certain sections and roads, making it a veritable labyrinth just to get from the light rail station to my first class in the mornings. At least I could cut through campus; I can only imagine how people driving have felt these past few days.

On top of that inconvenience, I-25, the light rail stations surrounding the University of Denver, and various roads around the campus are being closed off today, supposedly around 5 p.m. So we were told. I’m sorry, it’s 3:30 p.m. as I write this, and I just got home from lunch with a friend in that area. Cops are already everywhere and no one is allowed to get on I-25 anymore. I just barely made into the turn lane in order to get onto I-25 from University Blvd., and the cop let me go ahead, then blocked off the turn lanes with cones behind me. I apologize to anyone who gets off work at 5 and has to get on the highway….good luck.

3.) Was I supposed to be driving so closely behind that Homeland Security car?
So as I just mentioned, I was driving home from lunch, which was around the DU area, and I did make it onto I-25 in the nick of time. As I was driving down the highway, each exit I passed was blocked by a cop car, and there were more cop cars just hanging out around different portions of the interstate. This SUV was driving in the lane right next to me, and then sped up and pretty much cut me off because the car in front of it was going too slow. So I’m driving fairly closely behind this SUV when I read the back of it and see there’s a phone number on the back of it incorporating the letters FPS. When the SUV went back over to the lane on my left, I sped up, and saw the side of it said “Federal Protective Services” and had the Homeland Security logo on it. The guy just looked at me and kept driving, following behind the car in the far left lane. The car wouldn’t move, so the SUV flicked it’s lights on (same kind of lights as a cop car) and just followed it.

Now, the car it was following didn’t get out of the way or move from the left lane so the SUV could pass, so either the driver doesn’t understand that flashing lights mean get out of the way, or I just witnessed Homeland Security escorting someone important down the highway in front of me. Either way, don’t follow Federal Protective Services closely and speed up to look at their SUV.

4.) What has DU done in order to prepare for the debate?
You know, I always wonder where the tons of money each student shells out to the university goes. This past week, the week before the debate, I finally found out.



I can only imagine how this decision was made:

“Hey guys, what should we do will all this money? Give it back to the students? Renovate that awful John Greene Hall because it’s falling apart and the hallways barely fit two people passing each other? Use it to help with the building of the new Penrose library?”

“Hmm…no. It’s all been done before. It’s too passé. Let’s put in yet another sign that tells people that they’re at the University of Denver. You know, in case they weren’t sure what the other fancy signs around campus were telling them.”

So this spiffy new addition was done just in time for the debate. Great work team.

5.) Were people interviewed for the debate?
I was just walking from my last class to the light rail station yesterday, and I got stopped to do an interview. They asked me questions and recorded it for about ten minutes, then had me sign a release saying they could use the footage. I have no idea when or where this footage will be aired, but if I show up somewhere in the debate, somebody DVR that shit.

6.) Isn’t there a more efficient, cheaper way to do debates?
I was listening to 106.7 KBPI this morning, and they made a very valid point: it costs a lot of money in order to hold these debates. I mean, you have to get transportation and boatloads of security for each candidate and anyone they bring with them, including family, extended family, friends, next of kin, vice president/vice presidential candidate, their family and friends and next of kin, etc. etc. Then think of how much it costs in order to pay all the cops who have to help run this thing (and help direct traffic in whatever roundabout fashion they have set up). Then think of how much it costs for the surrounding businesses to shut down early, which a lot of places are doing because a.) no one will be able to get to them if the roads are closed, and b.) they want their employees to get a head start on traffic if they want to get home tonight. It’s 2012; can’t they just hold a debate over Skype by now?

Now, KBPI has a point there, but I’m not gonna lie: a debate just wouldn’t be the same over Skype.

7.) But Megan, what if I watch the debate and want to stab myself in the eyes out of anger/boredom/terrible answers to important questions?
This would be the perfect time to answer with the adage, “There’s an app for that.” Alas, I have no app. There is, however, something much better:



Yes, my friends, that can be used for any of the debates this year.

Are you going to be watching the debates? Are any of them in your hometown? Do you have the opportunity to go to any of them?