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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

“Was I supposed to be driving that closely behind that Homeland Security car?” and other debate-day questions you may have

The first presidential debate of the 2012 election year is today, and it’s here in colorful Colorado. In honor of debate day and the multitude of questions the moderators will be asking the candidates tonight, here are some answers to burning questions that may have been raised by this event:

1.) Were classes at the University of Denver cancelled today?
Being a DU student, I got to revel in the idea of having a random mid-week break because classes were, in fact, cancelled today. They were required to be cancelled, and there was a lot of guff given to us because we had classes on Tuesday as well, and the people in charge of the debate and the candidates’ safety wanted to close the university that day as well. Here’s the reality people: we didn’t have class because we are NOT EVEN REMOTELY ALLOWED on, near, around, by (or any other prepositional term) the campus unless we have a ticket to the debate. Our feet should not have even touched campus for the past 48-ish hours before the candidates arrived, but the school fought for us to be there on Tuesday, and won.

2.) Did they close off a lot of streets and parts of campus for this?
You bet your ass they did. The days leading up to today have been hell trying to navigate campus; they’ve sporadically closed off certain sections and roads, making it a veritable labyrinth just to get from the light rail station to my first class in the mornings. At least I could cut through campus; I can only imagine how people driving have felt these past few days.

On top of that inconvenience, I-25, the light rail stations surrounding the University of Denver, and various roads around the campus are being closed off today, supposedly around 5 p.m. So we were told. I’m sorry, it’s 3:30 p.m. as I write this, and I just got home from lunch with a friend in that area. Cops are already everywhere and no one is allowed to get on I-25 anymore. I just barely made into the turn lane in order to get onto I-25 from University Blvd., and the cop let me go ahead, then blocked off the turn lanes with cones behind me. I apologize to anyone who gets off work at 5 and has to get on the highway….good luck.

3.) Was I supposed to be driving so closely behind that Homeland Security car?
So as I just mentioned, I was driving home from lunch, which was around the DU area, and I did make it onto I-25 in the nick of time. As I was driving down the highway, each exit I passed was blocked by a cop car, and there were more cop cars just hanging out around different portions of the interstate. This SUV was driving in the lane right next to me, and then sped up and pretty much cut me off because the car in front of it was going too slow. So I’m driving fairly closely behind this SUV when I read the back of it and see there’s a phone number on the back of it incorporating the letters FPS. When the SUV went back over to the lane on my left, I sped up, and saw the side of it said “Federal Protective Services” and had the Homeland Security logo on it. The guy just looked at me and kept driving, following behind the car in the far left lane. The car wouldn’t move, so the SUV flicked it’s lights on (same kind of lights as a cop car) and just followed it.

Now, the car it was following didn’t get out of the way or move from the left lane so the SUV could pass, so either the driver doesn’t understand that flashing lights mean get out of the way, or I just witnessed Homeland Security escorting someone important down the highway in front of me. Either way, don’t follow Federal Protective Services closely and speed up to look at their SUV.

4.) What has DU done in order to prepare for the debate?
You know, I always wonder where the tons of money each student shells out to the university goes. This past week, the week before the debate, I finally found out.

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I can only imagine how this decision was made:

“Hey guys, what should we do will all this money? Give it back to the students? Renovate that awful John Greene Hall because it’s falling apart and the hallways barely fit two people passing each other? Use it to help with the building of the new Penrose library?”

“Hmm…no. It’s all been done before. It’s too passé. Let’s put in yet another sign that tells people that they’re at the University of Denver. You know, in case they weren’t sure what the other fancy signs around campus were telling them.”

So this spiffy new addition was done just in time for the debate. Great work team.

5.) Were people interviewed for the debate?
I was just walking from my last class to the light rail station yesterday, and I got stopped to do an interview. They asked me questions and recorded it for about ten minutes, then had me sign a release saying they could use the footage. I have no idea when or where this footage will be aired, but if I show up somewhere in the debate, somebody DVR that shit.

6.) Isn’t there a more efficient, cheaper way to do debates?
I was listening to 106.7 KBPI this morning, and they made a very valid point: it costs a lot of money in order to hold these debates. I mean, you have to get transportation and boatloads of security for each candidate and anyone they bring with them, including family, extended family, friends, next of kin, vice president/vice presidential candidate, their family and friends and next of kin, etc. etc. Then think of how much it costs in order to pay all the cops who have to help run this thing (and help direct traffic in whatever roundabout fashion they have set up). Then think of how much it costs for the surrounding businesses to shut down early, which a lot of places are doing because a.) no one will be able to get to them if the roads are closed, and b.) they want their employees to get a head start on traffic if they want to get home tonight. It’s 2012; can’t they just hold a debate over Skype by now?

Now, KBPI has a point there, but I’m not gonna lie: a debate just wouldn’t be the same over Skype.

7.) But Megan, what if I watch the debate and want to stab myself in the eyes out of anger/boredom/terrible answers to important questions?
This would be the perfect time to answer with the adage, “There’s an app for that.” Alas, I have no app. There is, however, something much better:

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Yes, my friends, that can be used for any of the debates this year.

Are you going to be watching the debates? Are any of them in your hometown? Do you have the opportunity to go to any of them?

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